Secrets, Lies, and Homemade Pies
A Sweet Thangs Mystery, book 1
Blurb:
Not only does Tizzy Donovan think her cup is always half-empty, she’s pretty sure someone has spit in it. When she discovers a murder victim in the cemetery and lead after lead points to her as the culprit, her looming damnation comes in the form of handsome Texas Ranger, Ridge Cooper.
With pressure mounting, Tizzy uses her ability to communicate with the dead to help clear her name, but will their clues be enough to prove her innocence and solve the case?
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Excerpt:
By the time Tizzy and Rayann finished the dishes, swept the floor, and cleaned the kitchen, it was past six o’clock. They swung by Tizzy’s, picked up Gracie, and headed out toward the Philpot’s place with four dozen muffins. Frank’s family lived in the boonies down a dirt road about five miles outside the city limits. When they wheeled into the drive, the sun had set, and stars were appearing in the night sky. With no help from streetlights, darkness came earlier in the country.
Rayann unbuckled, opened her car door, and quickly closed it. “Do you smell that?”
“It’s a polecat.”
Rayann widened her eyes and fidgeted in her seat. “I don’t like them. They scare me more than anything. Even vampires.”
“You’ve been watching too much television. However, your fear is logical since skunks are real and vampires aren’t.”
“You don’t understand. If vamps were real, I’d still be more afraid of skunks. Vampires transform you, and you’ll stay young and live forever. But skunks make you stink, bite you and give you rabies. I don’t want to get out of the car. That stinker is somewhere close. What if it’s rabid? What if it bites us? We’d have to take those awful shots. I’m afraid of needles.”
Tizzy rolled her eyes and lowered her voice, “Let me get this straight. You wouldn’t mind a vampire sinking his long, sharp fangs deep into your neck and sucking out all your blood, but you’re afraid a skunk might bite you? This is only my opinion, but I’m sure you can outrun a skunk. They don’t move fast.”
“Okay, but leave your lights on. They hate light.” She eased the door open again.
Tizzy slung her purse over her shoulder and stepped to the back of the van, then spoke to Gracie. “Baby, we’ll be right back.”
She and Rayann picked up two boxes, approached the front and knocked.
No sound came from inside.
Rayann pressed her face to the front window. “I don’t think anybody’s home.”
“They have a screened-in back porch. If it’s open, we can leave the boxes inside.”
They made their way to the back, found the screen open, and placed the muffins on a small table. As they rounded the corner of the house, they stopped in their tracks at the sight of two glowing eyes. Rayann moved behind Tizzy. “Oh, no! It’s a skunk.”
“Don’t move. Once he sees we’re no threat, he’ll leave.” The creature gave a quick little nod, sniffed the air, and twitched his tail.
Rayann prayed. “Oh, Holy Mother. The Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost. Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus. Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. Jesus, Jesus, bo-besus-banana-banta-bo-besus. He’ll bite us! We’ll get rabies!” She screamed and jumped on Tizzy’s back.
Tizzy’s purse catapulted into the air. The contents exploded and rained down. She fought to dislodge her friend, catch the purse, and keep herself upright, but lost her footing. Stumbling, she fell forward with Rayann riding her all the way to the ground.
The animal turned, lifted his tail and sprayed, hitting them dead center. A duet of blood-curdling screams echoed into the night. Rayann jumped to her feet and ran for the car. Tizzy quickly followed.
The skunk skittered away.
“I told you we shouldn’t get out! We stink! We’ll never get this odor off. I may throw up.” Rayann gagged.
“No. No. Don’t throw up in my car! Take some deep breaths!”
“Momma, somebody tooted.” Gracie said from the backseat.
Rayann gulped for air. “Hurry, start the car.”
Tizzy rested her head on the steering wheel and stared at her purse, spilled on the lawn. A large, mangy black dog appeared out of nowhere, lay down and chewed her wallet. “I can’t start the car because an insane person blaspheming the name of our Lord and Savior jumped on my back and caused me to lose my car keys. Damn, Rayann!”
“Damn, Rayann,” Gracie repeated.
“I’m sorry, baby. I shouldn’t have said that. It wasn’t nice.”
“This is not my fault, Tizzy! I told you I was afraid of skunks. I gave you fair warning. You should have known I’d go a little crazy if I saw one.” Rayann fumbled with her purse, then pulled out her cell. She punched in the number and ranted, “Hello, Dwayne? Tizzy and I have a situation. I need you to come and get us! We’re out at the Philpot place. Bring your gun and at least two bullets.”
Let’s meet Emma:
NA: How did you come up with the idea for your book?
EA: While visiting the local cemetery to choose a family plot—that sounds like a fun trip, right? One member of the mowing crew working that day, knew my daddy and came over to visit with him. Everything the guy said was funny! Not the content so much, but the way he said it—in true redneck fashion! Later that day, I related that incident to an uncle, and he said, “you should write a book.” And, so it began.
NA: What is the main thing you want readers to take away from your book?
EA: Enjoyment. If the silliness in my books makes a reader laugh, then I’ve accomplished what I set out to do. Nothing makes us feel better than laughter. It reduces stress, lowers blood pressure, increases memory, learning and creativity, and boosts our immune system. It’s so important, they have laugh yoga clubs all over the world. I’m not making this up. People get together and practice laughing because it’s contagious and you reap the benefits even if it isn’t sincere. Because, it turns out, your brain can’t tell if you’re really laughing or faking it. I suspect women are better at that than men!
NA: A fun fact about writing your book.
EA: The town is real. It’s where I grew up. Much of the silly stuff in the book really happened. Dan, Saint, Nana, Pattiecake, and Sugarpie are all relatives. The name Saint was in my family long before Kanye and Kim used it! Pattiecake and Sugarpie are what our grandchildren call me and my sister. Since we both love to bake, it was a natural fit to make us owners of the town Bakery, Sweet Thangs. Of course, in the story, I made us younger and gave us bigger boobs! That’s the beauty of fiction.
NA: Do you have a day job? What was your job before you started writing full time?
EA: I currently work part-time as an assistant property manager for an apartment complex—120 units. Before that, I was a school secretary.
NA: What do your friends and family think about you being a writer?
EA: They are not impressed.
NA: The biggest surprise you had after becoming a writer.
EA: The second book I released, a YA romance caught fire and I sold thousands and thousands of eBooks—along with having almost half-million pages in one month! I still haven’t figured out how that happened. If I could, I’d sell the formula.
NA: Do you outline books ahead of time or are you more of a by-the-seat-of-your-pants writer?
EA: Both. I start by the seat of my pants, but at some point, I make an outline—at least a loose one. I’ll make notes of funny scenes and even dialogue I want to include. I tend to write wayyy more stuff than is needed, so by the time I’m done editing a book, I’ve usually cut 10,000 words or more!
NA: What has been one of your most rewarding experiences as an author?
EA: Speaking events, and getting to judge writing contests. Some of those actually pay, so that’s just icing on the cake. Getting to do something I love (talking about writing and publishing) and making a few bucks.
NA: Which kind of scenes are the hardest for you to write? Action, dialogue, sex?
EA: All of them! Holy Moly, writing is not easy. I find every chapter and every scene a challenge, and I’m rarely satisfied with the end result. I always think it can be better.
NA: Why did you choose the shirt you have on?
EA: Well, actually, I’m currently wearing my pajamas. So, I guess I chose because I didn’t want to get dressed!
NA: First thought when the alarm goes off in the in the morning?
EA: I can’t remember the last time I used an alarm. I’ve always been an early riser so I’ve never needed one.
NA: What errand/chore do you despise the most?
EA: I HATE dusting. Maybe that comes from the years I spent cleaning houses and businesses. Even though I now live in a small apartment, and don’t have much to dust, I still hate it.
NA: What are you working on now?
EA: I’m currently finishing edits on the third book in this series, Pretty Bows and Turned Up Toes.
NA: What is any question we didn’t ask that you would like to answer?
EA: Probably what advice would you give to new writers? Which is, join a critique group. I’ve belonged to an online group for ten years and the feedback I get is solid gold. I have readers of all ages, ethnicity, and geographical locations. Some are doctors, lawyers, school teachers, ex-cons, etc. Not only do I get help, I’m able to offer help to writers just starting out, and that gives me great joy. I’m a true believer in paying it forward, so to know I might help someone become better, just as others help me do the same, is a wonderful thang!
Emma’s info:
Emma Ames is an alter-ego of Amazon bestselling author, Ann Everett, who is an alter-ego of a real person. All three live in Texas.
Find out more about Emma and her books at: https://www.anneverett.com/emma-ames-books/
Writer, photographer, social critical artist, musician, and occasional actress, J. Arlene Culiner, was born in New York and raised in Toronto. She has crossed much of Europe on foot, has lived in a Hungarian mud house, a Bavarian castle, a Turkish cave-dwelling, on a Dutch canal, and in a haunted house on the English moors. She now resides in a 400-year-old former inn in a French village of no interest and, much to local dismay, protects all creatures, especially spiders and snakes. She particularly enjoys incorporating into short stories, mysteries, narrative non-fiction, and romances, her experiences in out-of-the-way communities, and her conversations with strange characters.
