I know many people bemoan the work that goes into hosting or visiting family at the holidays, but I am not one of them, except in one respect. First, about my family holidays.
I have a relatively small family. Jack and I have no kids, and neither does his brother. My mom and her twin sister have no other siblings, and my aunt had just two children while Mom had only me. My two cousins live in Texas and Ethiopia. Even when they both lived here in the States, we rarely saw each other, as my dad was in the Navy and my uncle was in the Air Force, neither stationed near the other throughout their careers. Jack’s parents are gone now, so our immediate family consists of my mom and aunt, and Jack’s brother and wife—six of us. Unfortunately, none of us lives close to the others.
Years ago, Jack’s brother and sister-in-law lived in Richmond, Virginia, and we lived fifty miles away, three doors down from his parents. In those days, we rotated holidays, Thanksgiving at one house, Christmas at another, each bringing dishes to relieve the pressure. At that time, my mom and aunt lived in Dallas, Texas. Every other year, Jack and I used our Christmas break from the school where we worked and Jack’s parents’ camper to make the trek to Dallas in order to spend the holidays with The Twins and my aunt’s children. I say all this to better explain my pros and cons of family holidays.
- PRO: Being with family—when you act like family—is
wonderful! I understand how that might not be so if there is too much selfishness and too little care evident. That is if folks don’t get together to share the joys of the season and instead make it obvious that the day is about them and not everyone else. Believe me, I have been at family events where there is too much drinking or arguments spring up or one person is expected to do all the work. No fun. Not like family. If this is your situation, you might have to work harder at enjoying the holiday, but it can still be done. - PRO: You know that being with family is wonderful the most, when you can no longer be with family. Our Aussie friend, Jan, almost never gets to share holidays with her newly-minted American daughter because Jeanette lives here in the States and Jan is in New South Wales, Australia. My mom and aunt, and brother- and sister-in-law are all too far away for us to see each other often, much less at the holidays. And Jack’s parents, two of the most wonderful people ever, have been dead for many years. I would give a lot for all of us to share a holiday together again!
- PRO: Being with loved ones, especially at holiday time, gives us a chance to catch up with the news, with how
large the kids have grown, with how each of us is getting more frail in our own ways or stronger. It gives us a chance to laugh with one another and maybe to cry, while sharing the load of what makes us cry. It provides a chance for photos with sparkly backgrounds, that we can examine later and smile over. - CON: Travel is so often a mess. Nothing puts the strain on a holiday like canceled flights, bad weather, and
snarled traffic. This is the number one reason why no one in our family gets together on holidays—it’s too darn much trouble.
I miss our family holidays horribly, and more so the older I get. I remember the rolls that were forgotten on the counter, the dishes for dinner that didn’t turn out as we’d hoped and the ones that were great successes. I remember opening gifts after a sweet roll and coffee, and sharing with everyone what we received. I remember sitting and chatting with Mom after the dishes were done, and the sounds of football coming from the other room. And I remember most the laughter and love we shared.
As we go into the holiday season, my your holidays be filled with love and laughter, too!
Read the next blog in the blog hop by going here.
Dee
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